Known Plaintext

In June 1998, my dad and I went over to Junior’s — a small-town shade-tree used-car dealership in Lisbon — and I picked up my first car: a 1995 Eagle Talon ESi with 35,000 miles on it, bright red. Eddie, aka Eddie the Eagle, aka the Red Sled, has been my wheels for the last light-second.

Yes, folks, I have put one light-second on that beast. My brother, he’d had a track record of buying new and trendy cars he liked and then selling them a year or two later, usually at a ruinous loss. I decided I wasn’t going to be him, so … I promised myself I’d run the Red Sled until the wheels fell off. I’d take good care of Eddie and see how many years I could keep him going.

Today, Eddie’s engine cut out — a complete, full out, abrupt so long and thanks for all the 91 octane, boss — while I was doing 80mph just south of mile marker 35 on I-95 North. The repairs plus tow will come out to about $1500, by my estimate. Given that’s substantially more than Eddie’s worth, well…

Rest in peace, Eddie. I promised you you’d go until the wheels fell off, and I guess we each kept our end of the bargain.

I am much more broken up over this than I thought I’d be. Eddie’s been with me on the West Coast and the East, he’s driven across the Mojave with me, he’s grooved to Shriekback with me beneath the New Mexico sky, and I once timed him doing 145mph across the Utah desert near Bonneville. Point to point between two mile markers in twenty-five seconds flat. That’s not bad for the petite engine beneath the bonnet. Damn good, in fact. (That was also the trip when I learned Eddie’s goes airborne just barely north of 145. Eddie forgave me, and I’ve learned from the experience.)

Eddie’s been more faithful to me than any woman has.

I’m going to miss Eddie. I already miss him a lot.

[Edit: corrected name of the used car dealership]

2010 Dodge Charger SXTs with less than 35,000 miles on them are going for about $16k-$20k. This happens to be within my general price range, if I were looking at purchasing new wheels. Any thoughts?

(Why a Charger SXT? First, because I like the looks. Second, because the SXT’s got a little bit of punch beneath the hood…)